Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
