You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
