I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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