There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
