I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this just has baby written all over it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
