wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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