New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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