My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
