I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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