are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
