I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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