I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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