god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
