That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
