Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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