tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
