Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
