Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
