a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He did a backflip because drugs
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