yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
