So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
