i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
