Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
