yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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