PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
