No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it because I queefed?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
