I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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