there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
