we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My dick has a subreddit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
