everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
