i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
