I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
