i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
did you just send me my own nude
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
