I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize