We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's blow job season.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize