moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
