If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
