Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
