If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think my moral compass just broke
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
