that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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