So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
