I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize