So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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