I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
