She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
