Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
