@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
