just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
