well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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