zippers are such a cool invention
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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