you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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