Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
