he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
