Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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