On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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