No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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