id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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