Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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