Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
