onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
