the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
