I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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