Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
