this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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