I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
