"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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