2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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