I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
