Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize