yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
