he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
