its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
