Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
