My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
