I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
