So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
