Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize