i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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