Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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