How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
